Two years and thirty-seven days have passed since I last blogged. Should I explain my reasons for the hiatus? Not unless I give the hashtag, # /insomnia cure.
It has been so long that I couldn’t remember how to post a blog. I consulted my tech guru (aka husband Bob) and he got me over that first hurdle. I then bemoaned not knowing what to write, and he said, “Can’t you just pick up where you left off?” What does he know? He’s never written a blog…has never even read one. Still, there was some logic to his suggestion.
My June 4, 2015 blog was a list of paraprosdokians. I could pick up there, perhaps give word lovers an additional baker’s dozen, and ask some kind soul who is reading this to confirm that my blog is in working order.
BTW, a paraprosdokian is a compound sentence where the latter part offers a phrase that is surprising or unexpected and forces the reader to rethink the first part. These amusing devices are a favorite of satirists.
1. A fool and his money are soon elected.” — Will Rogers
2. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says,
‘In case of emergency, notify,’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’
3. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall
of a successful man is usually another woman.
4. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
5. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
6. I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got there, I’ll never know. (Groucho Marks)
7. I asked God for a bicycle, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
8. “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.” — Groucho Marx
9. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?
10. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and fifty for Miss America ?
11. Always borrow money from a pessimist. She won’t expect it back.
12. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
13. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
And one more because it makes the writer in me smile: The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!